Shotgun Blues

Showing visiting tourists from the Old Country how to shotgun a beer is a lesson in cultural assimilation. This goes far beyond heartfelt qualms about immigrants taking American jobs; oh no...remember they are tourists and it's not like they are overstaying their visas. It's about showing the dumb, depraved and above all, entertaining aspects of American culture to others. Tourists don't understand the concept of shotgunning a beer, at least I don't think many do. But I may be wrong.

"What for?" they ask.

"Why?"

Why? Since when has there been a reason to engage in complete stupidity in America? That's the beauty of it. There is no need for reason. There doesn't have to be a "reason." Just do it...and stop wearing Nike's. I hate Nike's, despite what the commercials say.

To us, punching a hole, preferably with a knife in the bottom of the beer can, then tilting your head back, snapping it open and sucking down the libations as fast as you can is normal. It goes without saying, it's one of the few things we learn in American high schools that has no virtual application in the job world.

But we do it. Or at least used to. This goes way beyond those strap-on beer bottle contraptions and way past industrial sized beer bongs. This is simple.

Sometimes you create a monster if you are an adept teacher of the arts of beer pounding.

"Let's do another one."

Geez--I haven't shotgunned a beer in so long. It was a nice re-visit. One has to remember that American culture is founded on getting things done bigger, better and faster.

Go, go, go!