Sex Cannon

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My hero. Rex "I keep my cock in a garage," Grossman.

For those who think they know a thing or two about me....

If you need it, you don't have it.

Aspirin

"Where's the aspirin?" I scream at the pharmacist. Apparently years of pent up rage toward pharmacy majors have finally seeped out into the public. I'm at a Walgreens screaming at a certified pharmacist to point me where the fucking aspirin is. I could have been worse I guess.

I could have said where's the fucking aspirin asshole. I could have made a comment about the dissatisfied nature of the job. About working in some dirt road Walgreens counting pills for a living and then giving me that smug condescending look about how much school went into that degree.

I could have said I used to be a pharmacy major.

But I didn't. People in pain don't function on the same playing field. It's difficult to communicate with fellow human beings after New Year's Eve. It's more difficult with a giant headache and that disgusting feeling in the gut.

I didn't even hear the pharmacist tell me where it was. I just saw her hands move in the right direction. Somehow they shoved me into the right aisle. The very same aisle had chewable aspirin and Advil. I almost took the shit right in the store. It's not like anyone reads the directions when taking aspirin. You grab a mouthful and swallow. Just like they do in pornos. And then you wait for the relief. (Well a towel if we're still talking about porn.)

Fuck Bayer. I'm not paying more for that shit. It's aspirin. It's not magic.

Get generic aspirin instead.


To the mother of all wonder drugs, here's to aspirin. The new year started off with a headache.